The poetry of a mother: 'A failed Survivor' in the family courts - International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, 25th November 2024 - 16 days of Activism to end Gender-Based Violence

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This International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, we are highlighting the poetry of a mother who wishes to remain anonymous and has chosen the name 'A failed Survivor'. This mother has been separated from one of her children in the private family courts.

Increasingly, we are seeing globally a rise in cases in family courts where children are being removed from their mothers care /residency. At times, these children are even being forced into overnight stays with convicted child sex offenders.

Mothers informed us that they experienced an array of health and trauma responses from engaging in the family courts, which they felt was a deeply abusive process. We have coined this Court and Perpetrator Induced Trauma (CPIT).

Unfortunately, we are also seeing a rise in the below cases, where mothers are deemed as 'unfit' to care for one child, who is transferred to live with the father or a 50/50 'split' is ordered with father they say has abused them, and yet the same mothers are deemed as 'fit' parents regarding their other children who are not party to proceedings, for example children who have a different father. This begs the question as to whether it is the child's best interests which are being served here, or the best interests of the father who has brought proceedings against the mother. These children are being forcibly separated from their siblings too. The impact on these children from being separated from their siblings and mother is poorly understood.

Worse still, when children are transferred to live with these abusive fathers, they are sometimes manipulated and turned against their mother as 'A Failed Survivor' details below. This is because abusive fathers seek to punish and further abuse the mother by hurting her in the worst possible way, by sabotaging her relationship with their child. We call this phenomenon Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS). The good news is that several high court judgements in France and the USA have cited CAMS, which means judges are becoming increasingly aware of the tactics of abusive fathers. However, we cannot wait for another generation of children and mothers to be harmed by the family courts.

We call upon world leaders to commit to ending violence against women and children by implementing the recommendations of the Report of the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls, its causes and consequences, Reem Alsalem: A/HRC/53/36: Custody, violence against women and violence against children.

A global report by Oxford University has now mirrored our research and the findings of Reem Alsalem's UN report across Europe.

There is #NoExcuse for this violence against mothers and children to continue. Please share these poems with your networks and ask them to urge world leaders to implement the recommendations of the UN SRVAWG immediately.

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Poetry by 'A failed Survivor'

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My innocent son was failed.

I miss seeing my son's beautiful smile and handsome face every day.

He was thirteen years when his narcissistic Father took him away. 

The devious perpetrator used manipulation, brainwashing and lies,

to exploit our child’s pure soul and to destroy loving, strong family ties.

The relentless perpetrator realised that taking my son would totally break me.  

With absolute impunity his post seperation abuse continued in plain sight for every safeguarder to clearly see.

I tried my best to protect my son and naively trusted Family Law.

A chilling, tragic mistake I wish I could  rewind and withdraw.

I did not know that professionals charged with the safety of children do not really care.

I genuinely believed that protection and safety would be there.

I was like a sitting duck towards his Dad's sinister and blindsiding attacks.

I had no idea he would brutally take him away and not bring him back.

His menacing tactics were sudden, focused and precise.

He destroyed three vulnerable lives without thinking twice.

I had so many plans and dreams for my beautiful family to achieve.

The destruction caused by the Family Court of Horror is impossible to believe.

The Family Court of Horror has separated a loving sister and brother.

It is inconceivable that this system would take them away from each other.

My son is now older and mirrors his dad.

I pray that he will grow out of it and that his attitude towards women will not be as bad.

My door will always be open to my son and I pray for his return,

I hope that when he is an adult the frightening truth he will learn.

He did not deserve to be failed in this barbaric way.

I will fight to expose this injustice and danger with passion every day.

I am picking myself up off the damp, dark floor.

Luckily there are heroines and earth angels who are trying to change misogynistic Law.

These women are precious and are using their power and voice,

to help survivors and children so that they are safe and have lives full of choice.

I will use my horrific experience to reveal what I now know.

I would never, ever want any other families to be failed and feel so low.

Enabling and shielding a domestic abusive parent is completely insane.

Children must be kept safe and preventing a loving, safe parent from protecting her innocent child must never happen again.

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Who helps when systems fail women and children?

Despite reporting my perpetrator in the right way

My life has been destroyed and now I suffer every day.

Individuals charged with protection, safety and care failed to protect my children and I.

The heartbreak, trauma and danger that has been created makes me continuously cry.

Professional failings prevent me from protecting my daughter and particularly my son.

A narcissistic perpetrator used his game plan with enabling professionals and won.

So, who do I turn to now that my children and I have been failed?

It seems that all of the help that should be there is in a boat that has disgracefully sailed.

Systems and Family Law have protected a perpetrating abusive Dad

Knowing I cannot protect my children from coercive control BY LAW is incredibly sad.

I have not seen or spoken to my son for far too long.

What the Family Court of Horror has done is unforgivably wrong.

Parental relationship sabotage, manipulation and brainwashing are what his abusive dad applies.

My human right to protect my children in a loving family home has been vaporised.

So once again I ask who will now help me?

The destruction caused by reporting abuse TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE has left me drowning at sea.

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